I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
