yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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