Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
