I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
