What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
