Will you blow on my dice?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
