STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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