so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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