I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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