I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
