oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
