His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
