i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
