I'm lost and stupid without you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
