Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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