Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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