We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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