Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
