you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
