When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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