If that was your dad, he is hot
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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