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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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