So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
