something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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