I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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