that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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