she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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