my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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