The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
