Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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