Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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