id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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