Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
