so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
