He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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