Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
These tits shall not be calmed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
