sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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