Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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