I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
