Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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