Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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