I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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