I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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