what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just high enough for therapy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
