Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
