The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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