Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
