Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
