dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
