She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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