pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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