I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
